Part One: Kisses in the Rain


I don’t know if you ever were kissed by true happiness…. If it ever caressed your cheek or smiled at you from across the room. I have… was mine and it was all I ever wanted but I wanted more.


After the mess that was my teen years in Georgia, My father announced to us that our family was moving. It would be a fresh start in a fresh state and a cure to all our problems. I resented this decision because Georgia was all I knew. We had summered in Florida every year since I could remembe so it wasn’t a complete mystery to me. (Doesn’t that just ooooooozzzze with white privilege) Still there is something about the unknown and I ….we are not friends. Florida would be the birth place of my full blown addiction. It would be the state that I lost pieces of my soul …. The hopeful romantic, the boy who saw good in all people and thought he could do anything he set his mind to….He died there. Not all at once, no it would be a slow death bit my bit. Still there was one silver lining to Florida; it’s where I found love.


Love is tricky……no matter how many sappy love stories we are exposed to over the years nothing truly prepares you for the moment you come face to face with it. I was completely caught off guard when it found me. I was 19 living in Florida, a full year into my fresh start from all the drama that had transpired in Georgia. I had just gotten off work and walked across the street to meet a girlfriend of mine at the neighboring Starbucks. Things truly do slowdown like in those horribly unwatchable teen romance romps of which I’ve seen all a hundred times (guilty pleasures). Boy met boy, he was a barista working behind the bar. His smile was overwhelming and I had never seen someone as warm and inviting. I was completely dumb founded by his beauty. I’m pretty sure my mouth was hanging open when he acknowledged me and asked if I wanted a drink. I was not fond of coffee; I had a bad incident a year prior involving a cup, my birthday, and anxious bowels.  I ordered one anyway, and today I hold him completely responsible for my coffee addiction.


Sitting down, coffee I didn’t want in hand, I quickly questioned my girlfriend on the identity of this Mystery Barista. Luckily for me she had all the dirt. His name was Matty and he was just a year younger then I was. He lived one town over and we had many mutual friends. That was all I needed to know, I was going to make it my mission to become quickly acquainted with him. Turns out our mutual friend Brian was his best friend, the two were completely into Wicca and Witchcraft…….Ok well there are weirder things…….a few episodes of Charmed later I felt like an expert. All I needed now was a reason for me and Brian to need a 3rd and what better reason then a spell.


A few days latter we had plans to conduct a completely unprofessional spell to bring good fortune or some shit. Only two things were accomplished during that spell.


One: We managed to truly ruin a beautiful stretch of grass. Our little pocket cauldron had runeth over.


Two: I got some amazing one on one time with Matty…..well with Brian near by.


Brian was truly caught up in the spell while I was caught up with Matty. We chatted and joked the entire time. Talking to him was extremely easy. I know things went smoothly when invited me to watch Charmed with him later that night. I fained complete ignorance regarding the show saying I had never seen it (WINK). I arrived to his house a few hours later. It was a beautiful home and he introduced me to his beautiful mother and they had two beautiful cats ….everything was beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. I felt completely inadequate. I pushed that thought out of my mind and reminded myself that he wanted me here. We went to his room, it would be the first time of hundreds I would enter it. This room would be a home to so many memories we shared.


It’s where we would make love for the first time. I have never been so nervous in my entire life; it was and probably shall always be one of my fondest memories. The nervousness and anticipation, the moment we undressed one another, it wasn’t two horned up teenagers going at it. No it was two people connecting and melding together. We got ready for his senior prom here…..matching tuxedos(Gay…but adorable). We would fight in this room, make up in this room. I would watch him sleep here sometimes for hours because I couldn’t believe how lucky I had been to have him. Just feeling his breath against my neck. But all that would come much later because on this night all we did was watch Charmed (I hate this show btw ….well not entirely)…..he watched while I started to fall in love.


First kisses, first sleepovers, first disagreements, first almost breakups, first declarations of love, there were many firsts those FIRST few months.  Everything was fresh and the world was in rhythm. I was so Happy. No other first was better then the first time he told me he loved me. In Florida the rain is a constant, sometimes it comes and stays for hours and others it’s a brief hello. Matty and I were coming home from some function when it started to rain. A light cool drizzle was all it was. We exited the car but instead of dashing for the door Matty stood there in the rain and just smiled as the droplets bounced off his angelic face. Let’s play in the rain he said…..I hated the rain, how it made everything cling to you. How it ruined perfectly beautiful days. He ran up the street and I followed, finally catching up to him. I was about to scold him on how silly he was being but he took my face in his hands and he kissed me…..There was no rain, no air, no breath, just him and me. He pulled away and said those three little words.


Three years later……I sat in our apartment, tears flooding my eyes, packing my things….NO our things. Matty sat on floor next to me no emotion….this was the end. I had finally lost him. My world crumbled all around me and no amount of love could salvage what we had built….it was my fault. The first piece of me died in that room…


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